Don't Take Life Seriously, It's Not Permanent 2
by Britz
Summary: That's right baby, it's a sequel! Thanks to it's phenomenally popular 1st (ha ha) I've written a number 2 and I swear it's funnier, guest-starring: KAA, Fate and Saint Peter!


Britz-Hey-hey, well a sequel to a challange fic, trendy? New-age? Very very strange? Well I don't know about the first two but the last sounds about right.   
  
Summery-You think the Animorphs would give up on Rachel without a fight? Well....You were wrong! Especially when KAA tells them to get off their asses and do something cause I screwed up her series final.   
  
Disclaimer-The following things aren't mine: Hell, Fate, K.A.A, Heaven, Heaven in liquid form (Coca-Cola), Pepsi, Becker, the artist "Coop", Cujo, King Kong, Jaws, Skippy, Al Capone, and the Animorphs.   
  
Don't Take Life Seriously, It's Not Permanent 2: Heaven, Hell and Everywhere In-between.   
#Chapter One#   
  
*The Animorphs sit around Cassie's barn, lets recap kay? Marco still loves Rachel, Jake and Tobias are still gay and Ax is, fortunately, still dead.*   
  
Marco-*sits sobbing in the hay* Oh Rachel, why? Why? Why not me? Or better yet why not Jake?   
  
Jake-Hey!   
  
Tobias-*in human morph.* Now now Jakey-poo, I'm glad your not dead.   
  
Jake-Well, at least someone is. *Tobias and Jake start making out.*   
  
Cassie-You know at first I really enjoyed watching them do that, hell I have a photo album dedicated to those to 'enjoying each others company' but now I'm getting really sick of it.   
  
Marco-*sniff, sob, cry.*   
  
Cassie-Hey Marco, you know that feeling you get when something really bad is gonna happen?   
  
Marco-*sniff* Yeah, what about it?   
  
Cassie-You getting that feeling right now?   
  
Marco-Uhhh, nope.   
  
Cassie-Hmmm, me neither.   
  
Marco-Well great, now I am.   
  
Cassie-You too huh?   
  
*All the walls of the barn blow outwards and are swept skywards, a giant cloud hangs in the air far above the Animorphs.*   
  
Jake-OhmiGod! Is that a face forming in that cloud?   
  
*the cloud forms into the head of a lion.*   
  
Lion-Simba, you are the one true king, always remember this, you must...   
  
Tobias-Ummm, excuse, could we ask what you're going on about?   
  
Lion-*looks down at the Animorphs* Aww jeez, I'm sorry, must have the wrong vision, bah-bye.   
  
*the cloud changes form again into another face.*   
  
Cassie-OhmiGod! It's Katherine Alice Applegate!!!!   
  
KAA-Please, just call me KAA, it's so much easier to type.   
  
Jake-*bowing* You're wish is our command, literally, oh creator of all!   
  
Tobias-*also bowing* Yes, we thank you for the gifts of life, love, and how cute Jake's butt looks when he's bowing.   
  
Jake-*flattered* Oh stop.   
  
KAA-Good God, look at yourselves, look at what he's done to you!   
  
Cassie-Uhhh, what do you mean oh holiest mother creator of all?   
  
KAA-Well look at Jake and Tobias, I certainly never intended this, Britz took that challange term and blew it all out of proportion. Now Jake and Tobias are gay, Rachel and Ax are dead and Marco's got some serious defects. We can't have this. Except for the Ax thing, I'm alright with that.   
  
Marco-what do you suggest we do oh almighty KAA?   
  
KAA-I'll take care of some of it but you guys are gonna have to do the rest.   
  
Cassie-But aren't you all-powerful oh all-powerful one?   
  
KAA-Sure, why not. Fact is this is Britz's fan-fic and in a fan-fic the writers word is God, you dig? I can take care of the little stuff like your personality's but you got to do something for me, namely get back Rachel, okay sha-friggen-boom your all restored back to your selves till Britz works out whats going on, now get Rachel already.   
  
Tobias-Ewww, Jake, I can't believe I was just complimenting your butt, I mean how should we do that oh, powerful....Mother...Whatever, one?   
  
KAA-Well I can't take care of that one but someone who's not affected by the fic's atmosphere could, an ex-employer of Britz's I believe, heres his card. *a card floats down from the cloud/face it's plain white with 'FATE' printed across it in black.* Go to him already.   
  
Jake-How should we do that?   
  
KAA-You know what? I've given enough horse-shit explanations in this fic already, just pick up the bloody card!   
  
*Jake picks up the card and their is a flash of bright white light.*   
  
#Chapter Two#   
  
*The Animorphs except Rachel find themselves floating in a completely white vortex with a door floating next to them.*   
  
Cassie-Well, this is odd.   
  
*the door opens and there is a butler on the other side.*   
  
Butler-The inevitable being will see you now.   
  
*the butler leads the Animorphs down a hallway and into a big expensive office there's a huge desk with a big chair behind it, the back of the chair is turned to the Animorphs so they cannot see Fate.*   
  
Fate-*relaxed, intelligent-sounding voice* Hello Animorphs.   
  
Jake-Uhh, hey, how are you?   
  
Fate-Fine thanks. *long pause*   
  
Jake-. . . .Listen, were here....   
  
Fate-I know why you're here Jake, you wish for me to give you power enough to save you're friend Rachel.   
  
Cassie-Yeah, thats right.   
  
Fate-Of course it's right, I'm Fate, I know everything, don't I?   
  
Tobias-Uhh, yes.   
  
Fate-You didn't need to answer that Tobias, I already knew the answer to the question because I know everything and therefore would have to know that I know everything or it would be a completely redundant statement.   
  
Animorphs-. . . . . .   
  
Marco-Okay Fate, enough with the head games, show yourself.   
  
Fate-Very well. *the chair turns around to reveal Fate is....Dun Dun DAH! A chiuaua! A chiuaua that looks an awful lot like the Taco-Bell dog actually, small, real cute, sitting in the huge chair.*   
  
Animorphs-What the..? (Hey! They're quoting Rove McManus!!)   
  
Jake-You're a chiuaua?   
  
Fate-I would have thought was readily apparent.   
  
Cassie-But you're Fate, why would you be chiuaua?   
  
Fate-Nobody asks you why you're human do they? "I yam what I yam" to quote a phrase.   
  
Marco-Sooo.....You're a chiuaua?   
  
Fate-Get over the chiuaua thing!! People always obsess over it, it's SOOO irritating! They could ask "What's the meaning of life, the Universe and everything?" or "Is there a God and what's he like?" or even "what am I gonna have for lunch tomorrow?" But no always with the chiuaua thing!!!!   
  
Tobias-Alright alright, what's the meaning of life, the Universe and everything?   
  
Fate-42, duh.   
  
Cassie-Fine, is there a God and what's he like?   
  
Fate-Yeah, he's a nice enough guy, moody though.   
  
Cassie-So God is a man?   
  
Fate-Of course, all men think they're God, this one just happens to be right.   
  
Marco-What am I gonna have for lunch tomorrow?   
  
Fate-Taco-Bell, for some reason you'll be craving it till then after meeting me.   
  
Marco-Makes sense.   
  
Jake-Now that we got through that can you help us out with Rachel or what?   
  
Fate-Of course I can, I can do it I'm omnipotent after-all, but it won't be easy for you.   
  
Cassie-Ummm....But if you're omnipotent couldn't you make it easy for us?   
  
Fate-Now what fun would that be? I've got to create some sort of story, anyhow I'll give you this. *hands them a slip of paper with some writing on it.*   
  
Jake-What's this?   
  
Fate-It's the inter-dimensional day pass, it'll allow you to travel to Heaven, Hell and everywhere in between, got it?   
  
Tobias-Ummm, No.   
  
Fate-*sighs* With this day pass you can travel to Heaven and/or Hell and get back everyones favourite teenage bitch-queen Rachel if you can convince God or, if applicable, Satan to give her back, got it?   
  
Jake-Loud and clear, so how do we get on God's good side, any tips?   
  
Fate-Try watching 'Home Alone 3' with him, I hear from reliable sources that he loves that movie.   
  
Cassie-'Home Alone 3'? What reliable sources?   
  
Fate-A crazy guy on 'Becker' now would you get going already, it's about to come on and I want to see what'll happen.   
  
Tobias-But you create all possible outcomes of everything, don't you already know?   
  
Fate-. . . . Shut-up.   
  
Tobias-Oooo-kaaaay.   
  
Fate-Get out already!!!   
  
Jake-Fine...I want to get to Heaven, how do you use this thing anyw...*The Animorphs disappear along with the day pass.*   
  
Fate-*in Spanish* sobre tiempo, manojo de idiotas *yelling to the butler* Hey! Yo quiero the friggen TV remote!   
  
#Chapter Three: Heaven#   
  
*The Animorphs are zapped into a strange cloud landscape, the pearly gates are nearby with an angel bouncer in front of them, the angel is huge, muscular, with a little goatee, a suit, dark sunglasses, big angel wings and a menacing aura.*   
  
Jake-Uhhh, hello?   
  
Angel-*gruff voice, Italian accent* Good morning, I am Saint Peter, how may I be of assistance?   
  
Jake-You're Saint Peter, not exactely I pictured you, or anyone else pictured you for that matter, anyway I'm looking for Rachel.   
  
Saint Peter-We here at Heaven have collected the souls of every good person throughout mankind since the dawn of time. You're gonna have to be more specific.   
  
Jake-Point taken, she's blond, tall, beautiful, Uhhh, oh right, morphs animals and kills Yeerks, or at least she used to.   
  
Saint Peter-I'm sorry sir, we don't have anyone by that description.   
  
Jake-Excuse me?   
  
Saint Peter-She isn't here sir.   
  
Cassie-You don't understand she HAS to be here, she's dead.   
  
Saint Peter-You do realise there's an, alternative, to being here.   
  
Tobias-Oh-no no no, she can't be down there, no, she was a good person. . . Most of the time, and y'know, she, she, she..... You just must have it wrong.   
  
Saint Peter-No sir, I know everyone who has gone in here, you're friend isn't in this particular afterlife institution, now if you're not dead yet I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.   
  
Jake-No way bucko, were not leaving until you let us through, I want to get in there and check with the big-guy himself, you dig?   
  
Saint Peter-*smiles a mean little smile* To quote a phrase from 'The Rolling Stones' "Get off of my cloud."   
  
Jake-Make us.   
  
*Saint Peter picks up the Animorphs and hurls them off the huge cloud then plumet towards Earth.*   
  
Jake-AHHHHHHHHH!! What are we gonna do?!?!   
  
Marco-GO TO HELL!!!!   
  
Jake-Now thats not fair, this situation isn't entirely my fault....   
  
Marco-No I mean literally, go to Hell, use the day pass!!!   
  
Jake-Oh, right, *takes out the day pass and they all disappear with it again.*   
  
#Chapter Four: Hell#   
  
*The Animorphs reappear in the entrance of Hell, the gate-watching demon sees them.*   
  
Demon-Welcome wretched lowely damned souls AHAHAHAHA!!! Welcome to HELL!! Welcome to an eternity of pain and suffering AHAHAHAHAAA!!!   
  
Jake-Actually we're here for our friend, we're on a day pass.   
  
Demon-Oh, well then, I guess we'll just have to squeeze the eternity of suffering into today AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   
  
Marco-I don't like the sound of that.   
  
*The Animorphs are surrounded by demon guards and lead off to their own private hells.*   
  
#Chapter Five: Marco's Hell#   
  
*Marco is up on stage at a comedy club, performing in front of a variety of murders, rapists and insurance salesmen.*   
  
Marco-*nervous* So, hey. . . y'know I, uhh, I went camping the other day. . .   
  
Crowd-*intensly stare at Marco*   
  
Marco-Yeah went camping, I took the tent out of the bag y'know and laid it on the ground, then I chucked a couple of viagra pills inside, went for a little walk, came back and the tent was erect.   
  
Crowd-*intensly stare at Marco, someone coughs.*   
  
Marco-I said, y'know ERECT, cause of y'know the viagra.   
  
Crowd-*intensly stare at Marco*   
  
Marco-*sweating, extremely nervous* I did mention the viagra didn't I? . . . Okay, okay another joke, is it hot in here? Okay the joke, this guy, he, uhh, he walks into a bar with a uhh, with a pig y'know, under his arm and he says, well he uhh he says...   
  
Crowd-*still staring at Marco*   
  
Marco-Okay I umm, I've forgotten the punch-line, but I'm sure it was, uhh, a real hoot y'know?   
  
Crowd-*stare angrily at Marco*   
  
Marco-*buries his face in his hands* Oh man, this truely is Hell.   
  
#Chapter Six: Tobias's Hell#   
  
*Tobias, still in human morph, is lead into a big empty room by a demon guard*   
  
Tobias-Okay so what the hell is all this?   
  
Demon Guard-This is one of our many state-of-the-art nightmare rooms, prepare to have your greatest fears released in a pants-dampening, eye-watering, blood-curdling frenzy of horrific imagery.   
  
Tobias-. . . . Boy. . . . Well that sounds like fun.   
  
Demon Guard-Indeed, *looking a checkboard* I believe we will start off with your crippling fear of water, then we'll move onto some deeper held romantic fears and then I think we'll just go with some slightly pointless guilt-driven fears to drive the whole thing home with some exquisite physical pain. Enjoy. *walks out of the room and shuts the door.*   
  
Tobias-I don't think I'm gonna enjoy this much. . .   
  
*Pipes burst out of the walls and water comes roaring out of them filling the room up with incredible speed.*   
  
Tobias-Eiiiiiii!!! WATER!! I'm getting wet!!! I'm gonna DROWN!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!   
  
*The room fills up to nearly the roof.*   
  
Tobias-*Treading water at the top* Oh God! This isn't good!!!   
  
*the water covers over his head and he squirms and starts to sink before realising that he can still breath and that the room has changed into a giant champagne bottle.*   
  
Tobias-*floating inside the giant champagne bottle* Well, this is unusual, I wonder whats going on out there. *swims over to the side of the bottle and looks out.*   
  
*outside the bottle is a fancy French restaurant, "Marco" and "Rachel" sit at the table where Tobias's bottle sits.*   
  
"Marco"-*clicks his champagne glass against Rachel's and takes a sip.* Oh Rachel I'm ever-so glad you decided to elope with me.   
  
"Rachel"-How could I help myself when you are just so damn cute, and you're much better in the sack than my old boyfriend, uhh, Tobias was it?   
  
Tobias-OhmiGod, Rachel and Marco together at last! Ahh! Deeply held romantic fear!!   
  
"Rachel"-Speaking of that miserable bird-boy, what became of my ex when you were through with him?   
  
"Marco"-Well I have a special surprise for you to do with that, *clicks with fingers and a waiter holding a silver platter walks over to the table.*   
  
Waiter-As you ordered sir, *puts the platter down on the table, there's a crispy bird carcass on the plate.* Red-tail hawk a`la barbecue.   
  
Tobias-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!   
  
"Rachel"-Oh what a lovely surprise, you shouldn't have you naughty boy. *she kisses Marco then ducks under the table a un-zipping noise is heard then Marco's eyes roll back from pleasure.*   
  
Tobias-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!   
  
*he swims backwards really fast till his back hits the champagne bottle, the bottle rocks over then falls to the ground and smashes. Tobias sits up gasping and realises he's back in the big empty room.*   
  
Tobias-Well that was weird, and horrifying, but what happened with the pointless guilt fears?   
  
Voice-We are right behind you.   
  
*Tobias turns around and sees three giant mice standing upright behind him.*   
  
Tobias-Ooooh, noooo.   
  
Mouse1-Tobias, you killed, and ate, my father!!!   
  
Tobias-Uh no man, in fact, I AM YOUR FATHER!!!   
  
Mouse1-Is that so? *slips on a pair of brass knuckles* Well them prepare for me to develop a Oedipus complex on your ass! Lets get him boys!   
  
*All three giant mice jump onto Tobias and start beating him up.*   
  
Tobias-*trying to get away* AHHHH!!! OW! OUCH! OOOH!! *one mouse sinks it's teeth into his back,* oh great, now I'm gonna ned a shot, this truely is Hell, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!   
  
#Chapter Seven: Cassie's Hell*   
  
*Cassie stands in the middle of a deserted circus arena, the arena is lit up but everything else is in deep shadow*   
  
Cassie-*calling into the shadows* Y'know this is all very creepy but I figured that Hell would be a little more, y'know 'hellish', not that I'm complaining.   
  
Voice-*demonic, echoing out from nowhere in paticular.* DON'T WORRY CASSIE, WE HAVE SOMETHING PLANNED FOR YOU.   
  
Cassie-Do you now? I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me.   
  
Voice-IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES YOU'LL WISH WE HAD.   
  
Cassie-*sacastic* well spoo-key.   
  
Voice-YOU LIKE ANIMALS DON'T YOU CASSIE?   
  
Cassie-Uhh, yeah.   
  
Voice-GOOD, I'M GLAD, I WANT YOU TO MEET A FEW OF MY, LITTLE PETS, A-HEE-HEE-HEE. FIRST MEET CUJO, COME ON OUT BOY.   
  
*An enormus, bloody, growling saint Bernard steps out of the shadows into the arena.*   
  
Cujo-*growls and roars at Cassie but stands still.*   
  
Voice-NEXT, JOINING US ALL THE WAY FROM MONKEY ISLAND IT'S KING KONG!   
  
*a giant gorilla, almost as big as a two story house steps out of the shadows and stands by the side of the the arena.*   
  
King Kong-*smiles a giant shit-eating monkey grin and presents a giant pair of brass knuckles across his fists that read "SPANK" and "THIS"*   
  
Voice-NEXT, HE'S A FISH WITH BITE WHO ENJOYS EATING TOURISTS AND ATTACKING SEA-SIDE VILLAGES IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER, JAWS!!   
  
*a giant shark falls from the roof and hits the ground at the edge of the arena.*   
  
Jaws-*moans and dies.*   
  
Voice-DAMN, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN A FISH OUT OF WATER WAS A BAD IDEA, ANYHOW LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, OUR MOST TERRIFYING EDITION, PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGEROO!!!   
  
*a bush kangeroo jumps out of the shadows into the arena*   
  
Skippy-Chi chi *scratches at it's nose with one paw.*   
  
Cassie-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!   
  
Voice-YEAH BAY-BEE, OKAY BREAK IT DOWN BOYS, ATTACK!!!!!   
  
*Cujo, King Kong and Skippy the Bush Kangeroo all start running, knuckle walking and jumping towards Cassie.*   
  
Cassie-Oh no, this truely is Hell AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!   
  
#Chapter Eight: Jake's Hell#   
  
*A demon stands guard outside a door with the sign 'Reading Room' on it, another demon walks past.*   
  
Demon-*to the demon guard* Hey Bob, what'cha doing?   
  
Bob-I'm in charge of torturing that Jake guy, y'know the leader of 'the Animorphs'?   
  
Demon-Oh yeah, so what are you doing here?   
  
Bob-I've got him inside reading the last book of the Animorphs series, you see the fic where in right now is set sort of the middle of the series-ish so I figure once he reads #54, what with him giving the order to kill Tom, Rachel's death, his and Cassie's breakup, his years of depression after the war, *twirls a clawed finger around his ear* he'll breakdown.   
  
Demon-Ooooh nice plan, maybe you should check how far gone he is.   
  
Bob-good idea, *opens up the door to the reading room where Jake sits reading* how's it going Jakey-boy?   
  
Jake-*looks up, smiling, happy* Oh I'm having a blast, this thing hilarious.   
  
Bob and Demon-Wha..?   
  
Jake-Yeah, I mean, it's so ridiculous, as if it'd all happen.   
  
Bob-But, but, but this is the final book, that is seriously how KAA ends the series.   
  
Jake-*still smiling* oh riiiight, as if after the years of books and triumphs this would be how KAA ended the series *rolls his eyes* get off it.   
  
Bob-But that is really the last book, it's the real deal Jake, thats how you go out.   
  
Jake-*rolls his eyes again* Oh sure it is, listen all this reading is thirsty work, could you grab me a drink?   
  
Bob-*evil glint in his eye* Sure I could, *pulls a can of Coke out of his pocket and throws it to Jake* there you go.   
  
Jake-Thanks, *opens the can and takes a sip* hang on a second this Cokes warm! *takes another sip* AND IT TASTES LIKE PEPSI!!! AHHHHHH! OH GOD THE HUMANITY! THIS TRUELY IS HELL!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   
  
*Bob shuts the door and high-fives with the Demon.*   
  
#Chapter Nine#   
  
*Jake, Marco, Cassie and Tobias all gather in a cave/tunnel in Hell*   
  
Cassie-*looking bruised, beaten, scrached, bitten, broken and. . .Well to be frank just plain bad.* Thank God they let us go!   
  
Tobias-*looks ditto to Cassie* You're telling me, that was hideous!   
  
Marco-*clothing is soaked through with sweat* Why did they let us go anyway?   
  
Jake-Union rules, torture break every six hours, we don't have much time.   
  
Cassie-Great, how are we going to find Rachel now?   
  
*Rachel laughter sounds from around the corner*   
  
Tobias-Well, thats connivent.   
  
*The Animorphs rush around the corner to find Rachel sitting in a lava pool that vaguely resembles a hot tub with none other than moi, Britz*   
  
Animorphs except Rachel-*in perfect unison* Rachel!? Britz!?   
  
Britz-Wow, in perfect unison, you practice that?   
  
Jake-Britz? What the hell are you doing here? You dead?   
  
Britz-Not the last time I checked, like you could be that lucky, I work here I'm one of Satan's minions now, how about you guys?   
  
Cassie-We're here to save Rachel from your evil clutches.   
  
Marco-Yeah, Animorphs to the rescue bay-bee.   
  
Rachel-Presumptuous much?   
  
Tobias-"Presumptuous much"? You've turned her haven't you? YOU BASTARD!   
  
Rachel-Oh Goddamnit, nobody's turned me, we just watched "Romy and Michelles High School Reunion".   
  
Cassie-Oh, whats going on here? This is Hell and you're having a great time, this is supposed to be a place of pain and eternal suffering!   
  
Britz-What can I say? She's a friend of management, that allows her certain privillages.   
  
Tobias-Privilllages? I don't like the sound of that! *to Rachel* You slept with him didn't oh *boo-hooing* you've broken my heart you eternally damned hussy you, oh boo hoo hoo hoo! . . . . Was he better than me? *Rachel and Britz slap their foreheads simultanously.*   
  
Britz-Tobias!! I did not sleep with Rachel! How cliche do you think I am?   
  
Rachel-Yeah like ewwww.   
  
Britz-*to Rachel* You know you could have just said no.   
  
Rachel-*smiling* No I couldn't.   
  
Jake-My God! They're exchanging banter!   
  
Marco-*scared* Hold me!   
  
Jake-Only if you hold me! *Jake and Marco grab each other in fear and start shivering.*   
  
Cassie-*sighs* Look Britz I still don't understand whats going on here.   
  
Britz-All it is that my first assighment was torturing Rachel and Ax, but since Rachel is one of my favourite characters she's considered a friend of management.   
  
Cassie-Hang on Ax? Ax is here?   
  
Britz-Yeah he's somewhere 'round here. *reaches into the lave pool and pulls out Ax's severed but still alive and obviously terrified head.* Here he is.   
  
Animorphs except Rachel-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!   
  
Tobias-Oh whats with that? He isn't considered a "friend of management"?   
  
Britz-Tobias, do you recall what has happened to Ax in my past fan-fics.   
  
Tobias-Oh. I withdraw my question.   
  
Britz-Wise man. *to Ax, mocking* Hey Ax! Guess what time it is! It's time for Cerebus's din-dins!   
  
Ax-*a tear falls from one eye and falls into the pool.*   
  
Cassie-Cerebus? Isn't that the three headed monster dog from Hades?   
  
*An enormus wolf-like dog with three heads bounds into view, snarling and barking.*   
  
Cassie-I too withdraw my question.   
  
Britz-Check this out. Sit boy *Cerebus sits* now hold still boy, *balances Ax's head on the snout of the middle head* now hold it, hold it, hold it.....   
  
Ax-*looks absolutely terrified*   
  
Britz-Now boy!   
  
Cerebus-*tosses it's head and snaps up Ax's head, then swallows it.*   
  
Britz-*scratches behind the ears on Cerebus's middle head.* Good boy, good boy!   
  
Marco-*shocked* You, you killed him?   
  
Britz-Nah, he was already dead, Don't worry he's still alive, he'll come back out in about 18 hours.   
  
Jake-*thinks about this* Ewwww.   
  
Britz-*evil little laugh* Hee hee hee, well this is Hell afterall.   
  
Cassie-Oh I'm getting sick of this, come on Rachel, lets get going.   
  
Rachel-Aww, jeez. . . Well, you see. . . The thing is. . . . .   
  
Tobias-Rachel? What are you saying?   
  
Rachel-I don't want to leave! This place is very far-out in a most happening kind of way! You dig?   
  
Animorphs except Rachel-*look puzzled*   
  
Britz-*rubs temples, explaining* She's been hanging out with alot of dead hippies.   
  
Rachel-You know who I meet the other day? Al Capone! Can you believe that? He gave me some great advice too.   
  
Jake-Oh yeah?   
  
Rachel-Yeah he told me "You can go a long with a smile but you can go alot further with a smile and a gun."   
  
Cassie-Makes sense.   
  
Marco-But this is ridiculous, you can't stay in Hell, KAA told us to come and get you, Britz messed up her series final.   
  
Britz-Oh KAA this, KAA that, you wanna stick wth her for the rest of the series? Look at what she's doing to you! Why live like you do when you could die like this? As a friend of the afterlife management?   
  
Marco-So your saying I should kill myself so I can live with YOU in HELL for the rest of ETERNITY?!   
  
Britz-Marco, have you ever seen any artwork by the artist 'Coop'?   
  
Marco-Hmmm, hang on isn't that the guy who paints the hot devil chicks with the big. . .*eyes light up* ooooh, you could..?   
  
Britz-*taps his nose and nods* friend of management bay-bee.   
  
Marco-*thinking* Hmmmmm, got anything deadly on you?   
  
Jake-Marco no!!   
  
Britz-You know I've got the machete I used on Ax somewhere 'round here, you could slit your wrists with it.   
  
Marco-Sounds good.   
  
Voice-*authorative, female* STOP RIGHT THERE!!   
  
Britz-Uh-oh.   
  
*KAA come storming around the corner, two huge demon guards run to stop her but she sends one flying with a right hook and snaps the others neck with a flick of her wrist.*   
  
Jake-She looks pissed.   
  
KAA-Britz you bastard! You are the single most evil, conniving, morally-bankrupt S.O.B I've ever had the misfortune of meeting!!   
  
Britz-Y'know around here that actually qualifies me for a pay-rise.   
  
KAA-You couldn't write your way out of a paper bag!   
  
Britz-You're repetative and out-of-touch!   
  
KAA-Joke thief!   
  
Britz-Ghost-writer dependant!   
  
KAA-Script-fic writer!   
  
Britz-Literary whore!!   
  
Jake-*quietly, to the other Animorphs* what the hell is going on here?   
  
Cassie-I think this how writers fight.   
  
Rachel-What, with words?   
  
Cassie-Yeah.   
  
Marco-Humph. . .Wimps.   
  
Britz and KAA-WE HEARD THAT!!!   
  
Marco-*gulps nervously*   
  
KAA-*to Britz* Humorless hack!   
  
Britz-I could say ditto about you!!!   
  
KAA-Oh thats original!   
  
Britz-Go to Hell!!   
  
KAA-I'M ALREADY HERE!!!!!   
  
Britz-*doubles over in pain* Bitch. *falls backwards into the pool of lava*   
  
KAA-And that's the end of that chapter. *dusts off her hands, to the Animorphs* Come on you guys, lets get out of here. *KAA and the Animorphs disappear.*   
  
Cerebus-*dips his heads into the pool of lava and pulls out Britz*   
  
Britz-*rubs his temples again* Oy vey, someone's gonna chew my ass out for this.   
  
#Chapter Ten: Everywhere In-between#   
  
*The Animorphs are back in their traditional spot, cliched as it may be, Cassie's barn. KAA appears along with a excited woman somewhere in her twenties.*   
  
KAA-Hello my beloved Animorphs.   
  
Animorphs-Hello Mrs Applegate.   
  
KAA-Now Animorphs I'd like you to meet Elise Donner, she's going to ghost write the next book for m...I mean for us, so I want you to be on your best behaviour for her okay?   
  
Animorphs-Yes Mrs Applegate.   
  
KAA-Good. *disappears*   
  
Elise-Oh boy! I'm just so excited to be working with you guys!! I want to get to work right away!!!   
  
Jake-Umm, okay Ms Donner, why don't you tell us what you have planned for this book.   
  
Elise-Sure thing! *even more excited, turns to Marco* Marco you'll be narrating this one, now the story will revolve around the Yeerk that controls your mother kay? What we leave out in plot we can fill with depressed bitching!!   
  
Marco-*mock excited* Well boy! That sounds just SUPER! We've never done anything like that before!!!   
  
Elise-Well that's FANTASTIC!   
  
Marco-Oh, I'm really looking forward to it, I just can't wait to work with you! *turns towards the screen, away from Elise and flashes a packet of cyanide capsules, he winks and then pops one in his mouth.*   
  
~The Devilish yet Merciful End~   
  
Britz-Review it bay-bee! 


End file.
